
Last week I bumped into the mother of the young
graduate who had starred in all the musical productions at my children's former
school (They didn't change schools. They have all since graduated!). Now,
please understand that as far as we were concerned, her daughter was an
exceptional talent. She sang beautifully. She played piano beautifully. She was
the automatic pick for the lead in every school musical. And I genuinely loved watching her
perform. I asked her mum how her daughter was enjoying the VCA. She hesitated,
debating internally whether or not to be truthful which was not something I had
anticipated. I guess I assumed I would get a rapturous response.
"Well", she said, "It's not so easy. In truth, at school she was
a very big fish in a small pond. Here she's a small fish, among a lot of fish
and in a big pond. She's finding it quite difficult."
Carol Dweck's
writings on Mindsets based on decades of research conducted by the Stanford
University psychologist plays out in my life and in my work every day. I read
the book years ago and gave it to my son. We never quite found it again but it
was good enough that I ordered another one. I found its basic premise
fascinating and it resonated with my observed experience strongly. I did think
Carol could have got to the point earlier and finished it quicker. I was not
alone. Apparently a lot of people said the same thing on Amazon. Perhaps it
could have been an HBR article - a classic, no doubt - not necessarily a whole
book. But why do we feel the need to jump to evaluate, and critically so? Who
cares if it took a while? If we got anything out of it, it was worth it, wasn't
it? Paradoxically, herein lies the crux of Dweck's polemic on mindset.
If you're one of
the few people who haven't heard her, read her or TEDed her, Dweck says that
people tend to have been socialised/parented into the adoption of either of two
mindsets in their approach to learning and growth. If they have a
"fixed" mindset they are more likely to spend time and energy proving
they're talented or smart and don't tend to believe that achievement requires
sustained effort. If they have a "growth" mindset they are more
likely to see intrinsic value in growing and learning every day and believe
talent, skills and performance are elastic, that we have good and bad days in
terms of what we can produce and that we are able to be developed. How our
parents and indeed, how we, define, praise and reward success can shape how
people end up responding to failure; that is, what is rewarded and reinforced
develops or impedes the growth of resilience and willingness to try especially
with no guarantee of success.
I see some people
paralysed by inaction because their fear of making a mistake is deemed scarier
than the fear of non-accomplishment. I see corporate clients scared of making a
decision, for example, terminating the employment of someone who's toxic lest
there be some sort of reputational backlash that will make them look
unfavourable as an employer of choice.
The book
"Wheelmen" (Albergotti and O'Connell) chronicling the career of Lance
Armstrong and the monumental effort of so many people to suppress evidence of
doping in cycling, included a relatively innocuous paragraph that aligned
perfectly with Dweck's theory on the fixed mindset. The authors describe the
phenomenon whereby many physically gifted young athletes buckled under pressure
once they began competing in Europe with stiff international competition. While
they had achieved significant success at home and their parents were told
'"This kid could be the next Greg LeMond"', they were not prepared
for the fact that competing successfully internationally (and often at high
altitude) required extraordinary discipline, hard work and sacrifice.
Interestingly, less gifted but more driven riders didn't tend to fold. They
trained harder to compensate. Armstrong was able to achieve well in the early
"clean" part of his career because his family circumstances, his
competitive personality, his pent up rage around some of life's blows and his
ruthless drive contributed to his dogged determination to work harder and be
able to endure, at times, extraordinary pain.
But obviously, not
everyone bugs out, gives up or succumbs to paralysis. Of course some will want
to deliver outcomes and know they are being paid to do so but the bid to live
up to their own lofty standards or perceptions of others' standards is
excruciating. They may bill four hours of work, but do another ten at home.
They may still be making changes right up until the moment they go to air even
though there's no time to change things on the teleprompter. Not only is this
stressful for them, but it is for those around them.
It fuels the
imposter syndrome because people with a fixed mindset who believe that talent
and potential are fixed, won't necessarily believe that their success can be
attributed to their skills, intellect or knowledge so they may struggle with
self-esteem and wake up some days feeling like a fraud. Even Sheryl Sandberg
has said she's had days like that. And Michelle Obama is reported to have
thought in her early adulthood that her academic success at Harvard was due to
reverse discrimination as a black American; that is, forces operating outside
herself.
If we're praised
from an early age for being smart, rather than for putting in effort, we may
not know what to make of the fact that we find something difficult. Does it
mean we are not as smart as we (and influential others) thought we were?
One of the things
that lends credence to Dweck's work for me is studying the pre- or post-match
interviews of champion athletes and teams. A former AFL captain and current AFL
coach said he was so riddled with anxiety before a match lest he play poorly he
was physically sick often (fixed mindset). Other footballers will talk about
their confidence that if they keep following team structures, work hard, hit
their fitness and nutrition targets and play as a team, success will follow
(growth mindset).
Some of us expend a
lot of time and energy competing and comparing. Others commit themselves to
growing and learning every day. They experiment, seek feedback including
constructive feedback and aren't frightened to try. They jump a little early
and are prepared to embrace opportunities even if they feel "a little bit
scared and a little bit excited" as one of my delightful coachees depicted
it. I'm not talking here about brash overconfidence. In so many cases, the
focus on growth and the appetite to try mean that their careers and their
finances have just taken care of themselves. Their mindset is one of abundance,
not scarcity. They focus on doing their best, not on what others are doing. And
from an intra-psychic point of view, how much energy is released and how much
goodwill is fostered if we aren't consumed with resentment, jealousy and the need
to devise strategies on how to elbow others out of the way?
Some daggy 1970's
motivational guru said we choose our attitude. Well, we may have a default
mindset but we can choose to work on it. And while I'm trying to work on mine
every day, I will try not to reproach myself for not having nailed it yet, for
not being able to do it as well as some psychologists/consultants I know, for
not being able to practise what I preach 24/7 and ultimately for not being
perfect. I think that's a good start. Might you need to give yourself
permission to do that too?
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